Love without Logistics

Do I ever fall in love on the clock?

I was recently asked how I handle feelings for clients. Do I ever fall in love with them?

I do all of the time! And then I go back to my day to day life.

One of the best parts of being alive is having a new crush. You’re floating on air like a cartoon cat to a pie on a windowsill. You become clumsy and silly trying to do basic tasks. You will giggle at the slightest suggestion of humor. Your nerves are on fire in the best way and it is all deeply embarrassing. Anytime, I start dating someone in my civvie life, I allow myself the first three months before I tell my friends. That is because I believe I am entitled to that humiliating lovey-dovey period, but I don’t neccessarily want an audience for it... I want to fully indulge in the corniness of it all and not get absolutely clowned by my friends when I snap out of it.

We grow up watching Disney movies telling us that “Love conquers All“ and that is simply not the case in real life. There are credit scores, communication styles, age gaps, “Do you want kids?”, “Do you like mid-centuary modern or industrial?” The chances you’d run into someone who check 100% of those boxes and give you all the butterflies is unlikely. The most painful break ups of my life were the ones where we still loved each other deeply but our life trajectories didn’t align.

Love cannot beat logistics.

How do I manage toying with those kind of feelings recreationally without going off the deep end? The answer is simple: I really like my life. I have more love to give than I need to given at this point. I have the capacity to hold a lot of my own and others’ emotions and logic. When I was young and insecure, I would have leapt at any affection thrown my way. But these days, I like myself and my routine. I don’t have a lack that I’m trying to fill. I get to ride out those over the top Looney Toon crush feelings along with someone and not even have to consider if my cats would get along with their dog.

I think many people may look at this style of relationships as emotionally closed off, (and often they are, everyone has different boundaries), but I love to let myself leap into the good feelings. I think a lot of outsiders may think its sad only knowing someone on this level, but I consider it additional on top of the love I have secured in my life. Its extracurricular romance! Its the cherry on top! Its getting to live out exclusively the highlight reel of a romantic relationship. I just keep them in the appropriate container. I love getting to exist in suspended animation for our time together, allowing ourselves to really commit to the bit for a moment. And then we go can back to our respective lives where taxes are due.*

Do I entertain more traditional relationships in my off time? Of course! I’m a full time lover girl! But I recognize those require compromise and a different strategy. I enjoy all kinds of love. Life is too short not to!

Most crushes never live up to what you make them in your head. This is more the fault of The Crusher than The Crushee for building up impossible standards. People are complicated and flawed. So am I, if you can believe it! But we never have to leave the fun part if we don’t want to. We can freeze it in the fantasy where we are only the best parts of ourselves together and I never nag you to take the trash out.

By the way, taxes are due!